A Decade of Something

In my survey of the many comments unread (see my big "duh" moment in the previous post), a few jumped out at me, one being Jen's response to NPR's report on someone who referred to this last era as "The Decade of Nothing." Or something like that. Now, that was just one person's assessment, and Jen said that she would think of her own list of things to celebrate about the past decade ... and rightfully so. So I got me to thinkin' ...

As Don and I sat together on the couch on New Year's Eve, we thought back to where we were at that exact moment in time ten years earlier. It was 1999, that explosive day on the verge of the dreaded (and oh-so-wimpy) Y2K. We were young(er) and vibrant, excited about the life that was going to unfold before us ... or so we thought. We had just left seminary, the world was at our fingertips. We had just purchased our first house, acquired our first dog, and started a new job at our first church. Everything was absolutely perfect, and as that rather tacky '80s song went, "The future's so bright I gotta wear shades ..."

We spent that New Year's Eve at Amy and Charlie's house, their annual evening of revels. I remember laughing with friends, breaking out of my introverted shell and loving every minute of it. I remember gathering in the back yard, wondering if the Septa terminal right behind them was going to shut down or explode when the dreaded four digits -- 2000 -- made their appearance. It was freezing cold, but we didn't care. The champagne was uncorked with much fanfare; we grabbed our filled glasses and hugged and huddled. Darin and Julie popped their heads out of their apartment window upstairs, readying Darin's hilarious creation: his own homemade New Year's Eve ball, consisting of two plastic colanders strapped together, all balled up with white Christmas lights. The ball was attached to their clothesline, and as we shouted out the familiar countdown, the ball bounced and jiggled its way down until at last it settled above us, the year 2000 welcomed, and the Septa station still lit and working, with no explosions and no Armageddon. The happiness I felt was all-consuming, a definite highlight to remember.

A Decade of Nothing? I wouldn't say "nothing" ... but it was not the decade I anticipated with such eagerness. It was a decade of struggle, a decade of considerable pain. Dream after dream was dashed; vision after vision was squelched. We lost a baby; we lost grandparents. We endured years of financial crises, due not to any irresponsibility on our part but just "life," extenuating circumstances, and a lot of My Friend Murphy thrown into the mix. We were terribly hurt by the one thing that had promised to sustain us, and we had no choice but to leave it behind. No, this was not the decade we envisioned when we walked down the aisle, said our vows, entered a vocation of ministry, and jumped into the deep end of life.

A Decade of Nothing? But Jen is right ... there is much to celebrate! Despite the difficulty and pain -- for we all have that -- there was a tremendous amount of joy and grace. Amazing friendships were established; old friendships continued to grow to new and enriching depths. The two most beautiful children were born to us, and the richness of parenthood catapulted us to a new level of life. But what I am most grateful for, having only been recently able to acknowledge this, is that I would not have what I have today had not this past decade been as tumultuous as it was. If there were no struggles, I would not have learned to grow in my reliance upon God. If there were no betrayals or malice or hurt at the hands of those we knew, I would not have learned that I can fully trust in my relationship with God alone. If our bank account didn't take the hits that it did, I would not have learned that all things come from God and that no matter what I try to do, nothing equals His provision for us. If the difficulties and hardships didn't reach the point of near-drowning levels, I would not have learned that God alone can not only lift me up above it all, but give me an unearthly and inexplicable peace with which to ride those waves.

A Decade of Nothing? Far from it. It's been a Decade of Ultimate Rescue, a Decade of -- ultimately -- New Life. Jacie wrote later on that she had just been thinking what a blessing it is for us, for example, that we are able to finally be at a place where we can buy a small, inexpensive toy for our son on a whim without feeling the pinch. How new, how ground-breaking that is for us, when we've experienced true want for years on end, needing assistance to get through the most basic of needs while putting any inkling of "wants" on the back burner. What a turn of events, what provision we now have after so many years of the opposite. Yes, indeed, feeling "thankful" doesn't come close to what is pouring out of my heart at this dawning of 2010.

I am sure that this new year -- and certainly the new decade -- will bring more struggles and challenges. It always does, for all of us. But my journey, started those years ago, has brought me to a new place, a different place, a stronger place. Oh, it's not easy ... I have my demons and button-pushers which knock on my door on a near-daily basis. Sometimes it's easy to shut them out; other times they find ways to squeeze in and brew up a hearty batch of discontent. I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but this year I think I will go back in time a bit, reading my earliest posts on this blog. I began this writing journey a few years ago, born out of a need to unload some of the questions and the pain in which I found myself, finding this particular outlet to be the most helpful and enriching. I wrote the hard questions, the wrestling moments, for keeping that all inside would have been toxic. I want to see how my written journey has unfolded over these few years, and take that with me as I take these first steps into this new year. But in a word, I have been blessed -- oh, so tremendously blessed. And that is the first thing I want to take with me now.

May you too embrace this profound peace that is laid before you, and may your first steps into this new year be those of confidence and joy.