Messages

This morning I learned that there was a "miscommunication" between my mom's oncologist and his nurse. She's been waiting two weeks for him to get back on her case, after vacation, and start her medication. Last night he told her that he did order her medication -- two weeks ago -- but somewhere along the line it didn't get done. She's been waiting ... he thought she's already been on it.

I can't tell you how frustrating, and nerve-wracking, this is.

I'm trying not to freak out. I'm trying to stay calm. I'm trying not to be overtaken by the "what if's." But it's hard. I'm human. I tend to "go there" (unfortunately). And Grace is in my face this morning, everywhere I turn, talking, talking, talking ... when I just want silence. She's been following me, in one room and out the next. I'm getting ready to take her to her preschool's class picnic, and she's shadowing me. Everywhere. I want to be left alone. I can't.

And it's funny how two "messages" came my way this morning. The first from Sandy, forwarding me an online devotional meant for another friend of ours who is going through a tough time, yet I found it particularly poignant for me:

"When Job went before the Lord, as any person should do when they are suffering, he asked the question why. And there is nothing wrong with asking why. I have asked why many times. There is nothing wrong with asking why as long as you don't get the idea that God somehow owes you an answer. Even Jesus, hanging on the cross, said, "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" (Matthew 27:46).

We don't always know why. And I don't even think there is anything wrong with saying, "I don't like or agree with this plan." In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." (Matthew 26:39). Go to God with your whys. Go to God with your doubts. Go to God with your struggles. But ultimately, we need to say to the Lord, "Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

Job asked a lot of questions, and then he started giving his opinions and trying to explain things away. Finally, God had enough. He asked Job, "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding" (Job 38:4). Effectively He was saying, "Well, Job, you are such an expert now! Will you tell me what is going on? I don't remember seeing you around when I was creating the planets."

God never told Job why. Instead, He just revealed more of himself to Job. More than an explanation, what we really need is an encounter with God—a revelation of God. Because when we see God for who He is, we see our problems for what they are. Small God, big problems. Big God, small problems."

And then, as I was cleaning up the kitchen, I came across Aidan's new memory verse from Acts, which we always tape to the kitchen wall so he can memorize it. I read the verse, amazed at its timeliness:

"Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you."

Funny how messages pop up when you least expect them.