This is the day ...

"This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Those are pretty well-known words from from my childhood memorizing days that popped into my head this morning, as if saying, "Now don't you forget it ..." It's a beautiful, sunny Sunday morning (although way too warm for October) and I'm not in church. I really like going to church, for many reasons (both human and divine), and when I miss it for reasons not of my choice or doing -- like today -- I feel "off." Grace's fever spiked again last night, and the poor thing still can't shake it, having woken up this morning with it as well. She's miserable, whimpery, lethargic and clingy. Clearly no church for her.

Aidan's home too, for even though he's "technically" well, he's still not quite "right" and the last thing we need is a relapse. His attitude is horrible and his behavior is terribly aggravating -- 99.5% of the time a request that is made of him is met with an obnoxious "NO!" coupled with screaming, whining, and what looks like a toddler's tantrum. I toyed with the idea of sending him along to church with Don, just to get him out of my hair but there was a big catch: Don is involved with the Praise Team so most of the time he's up front leading worship. Aidan's too young to sit alone, and I don't think he's comfortable enough yet to sit with someone else. I also thought of sending him to church with my parents, but church alone is exhausting for my mom in her current chemo-state -- saddling her with a young child (even though he would be very well-behaved for them) is just too much. So here he is with me.

We put the TV on -- their energy levels are so low that even playing is difficult. Aidan wanted to watch Over the Hedge but I nixed that choice -- since he's missing Sunday School, and since it is Sunday after all, I thought Veggie Tales would be more appropriate. Despite the expected and ear-splitting screaming fit (what the heck? It's a stinking cartoon!), Jonah is on the tube. That's ironically appropriate, as it turns out -- Jonah threw a few fits of his own. I wish I had God's patience. I don't.

So how am I doing? I am utterly exhausted. Spent. Beaten down. We are going on a full week now of illness and I feel that it's taking its toll on me. I haven't slept well in days, getting up multiple times in the night to take care of a medicine-induced nightmare-riddled boy and dispensing Tylenol every 4 hours for a fever-ridden girl. I have that strange feeling like I'm on the verge of something -- a cold, what the kids have, whatever -- but I'm fighting tooth and nail not to go over the edge. I'm a mind-over-matter girl, usually -- I just keep plugging along, ignoring how I feel, thinking that if I just go through my day as I normally would it won't get to me. I can't let it get to me -- because if I crash, who will pick up the pieces? I'm worn thin and I know it shows in my own short-tempered outbursts. I need to apologize for that -- that's my weak point. I am thirsting for quiet, for solitude, for a big chunk of the day to curl up in a dark room, under the covers with my book and no noise, no kids, no responsibilities. I know it's not going to happen, but it's OK to write about it. It's all part of being a mom.

I have to watch my nephews tonight for a few hours while my brother and sister-in-law attend their Bible study. I sure hope I have enough energy for that. Jonah's over now, and it's time to change a diaper, dress Grace (who's still in her pajamas), dole out some snacks and juice, and get on with my day. This was a nice little respite.

Oh, by the way ... the apple pie was FABULOUS! I was sorely tempted to have some for breakfast, but opted instead for a delicious bagel and cream cheese. You have never had a true bagel until you've come to NY/NJ -- this one shop near our house has the best bagels I've ever tasted in my life. But that pie ... oh, drool! Incredible. And The Queen, too, was an outstanding movie -- I could watch Helen Mirren in that role for days. She has an almost unearthly talent.