Winding Down

I always feel a bit strange this time of year, this winding down of "carefree" summer days (I use that term very loosely here -- I'm a mom, after all) yet not quite jumping into the deep end of autumn's pool. I feel a bit sluggish, actually, as if I'm moving in slow motion while time ignores me and marches on ...

I think part of my "problem" stems from the upsurge of clubfoot during this latter half of our summer. What started out as carefree, lovely summer days turned into a barrage of emails and phone calls, doctor visits, research, etc. That's all OK, really -- I mean, it had to be done and I'm not complaining. But I think the flurry of activity on the medical front shifted me into another gear of sorts, quickly leaving summer behind.

This week has been a no-man's-land for me as, again, I find myself straddling the last days of summer and the coming of the fall. It's funny, really -- often around this time I do start feeling the itch for brisk weather, the turning of leaves, pumpkin shopping, planting mums. Now ... oddly, not so much. I find myself wanting to hang on to summer -- to my cute summer skirts, to warm afternoons spent in the back yard, to blankets spread on the lawn and playing with my kids, to that invigorating angle of summer sunshine streaming through my windows. And yet the days are ticking by very quickly and I don't feel as if I'm catching up.

Aidan turns 6 on Monday -- the very apt Labor Day. What a labor it was, bringing my boy into the world. But his turning 6 also signals something in me -- of a little boy growing up, entering full-day kindergarten for the first time. Full-day! What am I going to do without him? Aside from the occasional tiffs and squabbles, we get along fabulously and complement each other quite well. The baby I could not understand has grown into the boy who connects with me in a beautiful way. He's my buddy, through and through, and I will sorely, painfully miss his company. He starts school on Tuesday, just a few days away. And ... he'll be taking the bus. He's growing up, and this year I feel that more than ever before.

Perhaps I'm not just trying to hang on to the last vestiges of summer. Perhaps I'm trying to cling to a part of my life that's ticking by just like the clock. I think my "baby boy" has flown by his carefree days with smiles and bubbling giggles and here we stand, on the threshold of a new chapter, for all of us. He's big now, in so many ways. Perhaps this odd feeling is only seasonal in part. I'm going to miss my boy next week. It's all good, I know, but for some reason this morning I woke up with a heavy heart.

Ah, welcome to Motherhood. Full of twinges and wistfulness and loads of love.