Guardian Angels Out to Lunch

When I first saw this picture I thought, "This would make a great companion to a future blog post I might write about in regard to my husband's gadgety hobbies." But then I realized, "Hey - this pictures looks a lot like how my life feels sometimes." Tangled up. Crazy. Out of control. Oh, I know, I know -- I am not leaving God out of the picture. I know He is in control; I believe in plans and purposes. If God looks down and zeros in on me and sees this, I believe it all makes sense to Him. But to me ... well, it truly does feel like a tangled mess sometimes.

Good news often seems to be coupled with news-that-makes-you-pause. While we rejoiced at the good news of my mom's clean bill of health on the cancer front, we were simultaneously languishing in a horrible job and dealing with fall-out from that. And now, as of last night, Don was hired at a new company, doing the same line of work (home theater installation, which does make the above picture quite appropriate, after all), and he starts Monday. Burden lifted: check.

Yesterday also brought, quite literally, "pennies from heaven" to our doorstep. I opened a mysterious envelope yesterday, with our address printed out and taped onto the front and no indication as to the sender. Inside was a funny greeting card that said: "Do you ever get that feeling that your guardian angel went out for a smoke?" (Boy, do I ever!). Inside the card was a financial gift to us ... coming at just the right time after our account hit a big fat zero while trying to purchase diapers and milk. No signature, completely anonymous. I cried. (Whoever you are: "thank you" doesn't even begin to say it all ...)

Then today I took Aidan to the doctor for his check-up. I wonder if he's one of the few children on earth who actually look forward to going to the doctor's. He talked about it for days, dragging out his old plastic doctor kit and practicing on Grace -- he couldn't wait. He did very well: excellent eyes, perfect hearing, great health overall. However, over this past year we've had a concern about a certain issue, and when I brought it up with the doctor, she shared our concern and recommended that he see a pediatric surgeon. UGH. Holy punch in the stomach, Batman! He might be fine, but if he's not then it's something that must be dealt with immediately, or else he'll face very serious problems (like cancer) down the road. Her answer to my ultimate question -- "Yes, it's completely fixable" -- didn't seem to eradicate much of my maternal fear whooshing in full steam. Surgery? Pain? My little boy? Handing baby Grace over to her surgeon almost two years ago was one of the very worst days of my life. And now my boy ... ? And just on what emotional legs am I supposed to stand on? God, a little grace-snack would be just the ticket ...

I was given a list of area surgeons recommended by our pediatrician, so when I got home this morning I immediately jumped on the phone ... only to find out that no one takes our insurance. I was flabbergasted. Is my child truly going to be denied the care he needs because of the wrong insurance card in my wallet?! I did manage to talk to one very sympathetic nurse, and she was going to talk to the doctor to see if he would be equally sympathetic and cut us a break. Sure, a break in the consultation fee, perhaps ... but no one would waive the full cost of surgery. I appreciated her understanding, though, and it took all of my energy not to start bawling on the phone.

So the tangled web continues, finding that while the job situation seems a bit untangled at the moment, another chunk of wires are now all messed up. But I trust that God is the Divine Handyman, the Ultimate Hobbyist who can make sense out of the mess. "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (I Thessalonians 4:18), even the tangled wires of life. Boy, that's a hard one. I'm on my knees.