I've been defeated ... by a book

One activity that takes me outside of my home (and believe me, that doesn't happen often) involves my participation in our church's book club. OK -- by stating its affinity to "our church" doesn't mean it's a church-sponsored event or group, like small groups or ALPHA or anything like that. It just means there are a handful of fellow church members who get together once in a while to discuss a book. Low-key and enjoyable. Last month we met to discuss Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns, a book I never would have thought to pick up but ended up not being able to put down.

This time around the book selected is Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner, a memoir detailing her spiritual journey from Orthodox Judaism to Christianity. I was instantly intrigued when I found the book at my local library and briefly thumbed through the pages. I have always loved the "topic" of historical Christianity, I have a passion for Biblical archeology, and have always been fascinated by the ancient authenticity of Judaism. I like memoirs, too, so I couldn't wait to dig in and read about this young woman's own spiritual journey (and maybe, just maybe, see if our paths cross a bit somewhere in the mix). The only bit of time for my reading indulgence is before bed, so on that first night I put on my pajamas, called it quits, and jumped into bed with my new book.

Now, I'm not the sort of person to give up easily on a book or movie that I find to be somewhat far from my liking. I can probably count the number of times on one hand that I had to close forever a half-read book, or hit the off button on the remote control for a half-watched movie. No matter how difficult the reading or watching might be, I usually try to stick it out to the end. In Girl Meets God, however, I am struggling ... really struggling to keep that book open. In the two weeks in which I have had this book, I am only on page 105 -- and for me, that's a reading pace equivalent to a turtle running a marathon. I am amazed, really, that I am finding this to be so difficult, and I realized (finally) that it's her writing style. Being a memoir, it's all first-person, obviously, and I have no problems with that, but it's just all over the place. I can't follow her at all -- and it takes a lot for me to say that. She rambles on and on about baking muffins in the middle of a completely (seemingly -- I'm sure in her mind there's a point) disconnected story of attending an Anglican church in Cambridge while a student there. Ummm ... what? She talks about her conversion to Orthodoxy, complete with ritual bathing, but then jumps over to an experience a few years prior with a former boyfriend. Ummm ... what? OK, so those examples didn't necessarily happen that way, because frankly I can't even remember the exact details of what happened when, but that's my point -- this jumping around of tales and experiences in some rather bizarre, caffeine-induced manner (I don't know if she chugs caffeine, but that's kind of what it feels like). I said to Don it's like reading someone's rambling blog in book form, but not being able to put the posts in any coherent form.

"There must be something wrong with me," I thought. "I'm too stressed out, I've got way too much crap going on in my life right now and I'm not being fair to this writer or her book." I say that myself each night as I prop myself up on my pillows and pick up the book, giving it "jus o ne more shot." And yet ... I still shut the book after just a few pages, too exhausted from trying to follow her thought patterns, and turn off my light with a "humph." So I decided to check out amazon.com, curious to see if any reviewers posted their two-cents' worth, and thereby figuring out if I am indeed crazy and unfair or justified in my opinion and not alone. I found the following results: 5 star (20), 4 star (9), 3 star (1), 2 star (3), and 1 star (4). Hmmmm ... not bad. I clicked on the 1-star reviewers and laughed heartily at one response:

"I'm sorry, but this book was not good. At times pedantic and rambling (yet always self-absorbed), 'Girl Meets God' is a work that will leave you wanting to meet God, too--literally."

Other critiques included her less-than-convincing "reasons" behind her conversion (not much else than she just "felt" like going elsewhere, etc.); questioning how a mere 25-year-old can possibly write a memoir of such proportions as a life's spiritual journey (and after only spending a mere 2-3 years in Orthodoxy before moving on to something vastly different). Yet other reviews praised her beautiful writing, her insight, her honesty ... maybe so, but it's hard for me to see that due to the exhausting nature of all the meandering. So after two weeks, stuck on on page 105, I closed the book. Last night I picked up the final Harry Potter tome (of which I was greatly anticipating and sitting on pins and needles), settled down amidst the soft lighting on the front porch, letting the cool evening breeze embrace me as I hunkered down on the cushioned glider, Jack curled around my legs, jumping full force into a world of fiction (and terrific writing), where I can forget my own present and my own journey.

Sorry book club friends, for the lapse. I'll do my best to finish it in time for our next meeting ... :) I just needed a break from some girl who met God.