I know there isn't much factual truth to this, but lately my life really does feel like a ping-pong match, with a glowing robed-in-white angel on one side, lobbing the blessings and graces, and a red snarling pointy-horned devil on the other, smashing over the trials and tribulations. I know, I know -- it sounds like a cartoon, but when you're living in the midst of it, you can't help but take a glimpse at these kinds of images.
We had a glorious vacation; we found out my mom's cancer is gone; our son's birthday is tomorrow ... we've had some good blessings recently, with the white-robed ping-er in the lead. But then comes the pitchforked pong-er, equally determined, whipping out a few tricks of his own, deciding to smash them all into one day, today:
- my aunt -- my mom's younger (and only) sister -- found out today that she too has breast cancer. Thankfully, in her situation, it's contained within the tumor, but still ... it's terrifying. Two sisters, going through the same physical nightmare ...
- my husband is no longer employed as of today. I won't go into details but we knew this day was coming, and unfortunately it wasn't pretty. It truly is a very long, unpleasant story, and now that the end has arrived I feel a bizarre mixture of relief and intense sadness, with a little bit of fear-for-the-future thrown in. Talk about deja vu; it feels like we made some sort of huge U-turn on our journey's path and we're back on a trail that we never wanted to see again ...
I feel horrible. I'm going to feel what I have to feel tonight, and it's not going to be nice. But tomorrow is my boy's 5th birthday and I am determined that the day will be nothing short of beautiful. And happy.
God, I'm craving a grace-snack right about now, in a big, big way ...
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