We spent a long, grueling day in Philadelphia yesterday for Grace's check-up with Dr. Wonder. I felt sure he would be pleased with the progress she has made with her physical therapy, and yet with these things you just never know. One of the moms I've come to know on the clubfoot support group website experienced a similar situation -- her son an "older child," having relapsed but doing well. She too travels far to see Dr. Wonder, and on that particular visit she fully expected him to be as pleased as she was with the state of her boy's foot. But instead, he discovered complications, problems, tightness ... I can't recall where the story left off, or where they are now in the process -- perhaps further casting? -- but she was devastated, trying to digest that unexpected and unwelcome news, when all she expected was just a pat on the back and a "see you next year."
I kind of wish I didn't know that story, and yet it's better to have that .001% of wonderment going into a visit -- is she really OK? Is her foot really doing better? For if not, then perhaps I won't feel so slammed if the doctor says otherwise ...
My dad accompanied us on the trip this time -- it's nice to have some company, especially on the long ride. One of these days I will learn not to plan anything -- I told my dad we'd be in the office maybe an hour or two at the most, and we'd hit the road again no later than 2:00 p.m. This "thing" I have for planning and control is just not working for me ... for as it turned out, that quickie visit turned into a 3 hour wait in the waiting room, plus another 45 minutes or so until Dr. Wonder came into the examination room. Grueling! And tiring. Thankfully Grace did well during the wait and made most of her situation -- more time to socialize, more time to work the room, more time to check out all the other kids (and, to my slight chagrin, their prosthetics and wheelchairs, with a myriad of questions relating to their disabilities or reasons for being there that day). Thank goodness a 3-year-old can get away with that, calling it "cute innocence" or "natural curiosity."
I was right about one thing -- the actual visit was quick. His intern for the day came in first, got our history, told us he too has a daughter named Grace and loves the name, and then examined her foot. His word: "Fantastic!" Oh, I like that word. He did confirm my suspicions -- there is some residual curving at her forefoot, that kidney-bean shape called "metatarsus adductus," but at this point he said he didn't think there was a whole lot we can do about it. That falls into the "just wait and see what happens" category, but for now since it does not affect the functionality of her foot at all, it's not really a priority. He noticed some tightness still in her heel cord, which I suspected but hoped wasn't the case, but he didn't seem too concerned about it.
About 15 minutes later Dr. Wonder came in, full of smiles for Grace who just eats that up. He too came to the same conclusions -- some residual MA or curving, some tightness in her heel cord, still some muscle weakness -- but he too was really pleased with her foot. He had her do some walking exercises -- walking across the room on her heels, for example -- and we were all really happy to see her lifting her toes and doing what she's supposed to do. He threw out a bunch of medical terms and technical numbers to Mark the Intern who charted the exam, but from my limited knowledge it sounded to me that she was right on track. She's not 100% but for now, she's fine.
I can limit her brace time down to 12 hours now -- I had been adding her two extra hours of naptime just to be safe, but that's no longer necessary. She can sleep brace-free now in the afternoon, and I know she will be thrilled to be able to snuggle. And we are also able to stop our therapy sessions, for he felt she has made sufficient progress and doesn't need it anymore. I'm a bit torn about this -- part of me is relieved to save that money, but another part of me doesn't want to let that "security blanket" go. In the hands of Miss Jen and Miss Sue, I knew with complete confidence that they are reversing the relapse, that they are making her stronger. A part of me doesn't want to leave that safety-net, to keep her held in their capable hands. Here we go with that Trust Issue again -- I have to trust that the doctor is right, that God has her in His capable hands, and I need not fear further relapse or complications. I need to rejoice in the healing that is taking place now, and I am.
I'm really happy with this news, that my little girl is doing so well. I know for awhile -- a long, long while -- I will still watch her foot like a hawk, zeroing in on it daily to see what it's doing. It's hard not to do that -- I'm a mom, and like so many other Clubfoot Moms this is just what we do. But this is where we had hoped to be, when her relapsed started this summer. This avoidance of surgery was our goal, and we have achieved it.
Thank you, Lord, for holding on to my beautiful girl.
And to me.
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