God-Rumbling

Killing a little time here before church ... sipping hot, dark French Roast ... kids watching Sesame Street on PBS (no cable -- I love the fact that we can easily survive without it) ... feeling very sleepy and lazy and still hung-over from Christmas festivities. Wouldn't mind crawling back into bed right now, with my latest book in my lap (The Story of Edgar Sawtelle) ... maybe -- hopefully -- later ...

A lot has been stirring in the dark corners of my brain over these past few weeks -- again, feeling that subtle God-rumbling, wondering what He's got up his Divine Sleeve, feeling a bit goose-bumpy that we're nearing something, but not sure what ...

Like so, so many others "out there," the crumbling mess of the economy has come a little too uncomfortably close to home. Yet, oddly -- yet Spirit-fed -- I'm not too worried about it. Our tight belts will have to be pulled even tighter, boring holes in the leather as my grandfather used to do, making tighter notches where there aren't any. But we have a mantra, whenever the strain of the belt threatens to cut off circulation: "Don has a job." He is employed. Securely. And his boss is confident that things will turn around soon. Hope. A life-raft.

Yet our hope shouldn't come in the form of George ... it should come from God. Yet I of so little faith ... I can see George, I can hear George, I can feel his optimistic vibe, I can allow myself to catch his contagion that things will improve. And God ... well, that's faith, isn't it. And I think, once again, the veil is being pulled back, shining light on that area of my life that needs nurturing: Faith. Trust.

There's still a dense fog, here in my thoughts. Like Moses, who was warned that he couldn't handle seeing the full glory of God, I too don't think I can handle that veil completely rent in two. I need small bits, handleable, manageable, an easing into what God wants me to see, what I need to work on. Trust is not easy for me, especially after having trust completely obliterated two years ago. But the journey continues; the healing is not over; and this door in front of me -- whether or opening or closing -- is my focus.

I just need the faith, and the courage, to take that step and see where it might lead.