Decision Made: One Down, More to Follow

A big decision looms large on my parenting horizon and I has been quietly yet persistently eating at me for the last many weeks and, yes, even a couple of months:

Where to send Aidan to school next year.

This is a tricky issue, one I touched upon a short while ago. It’s multi-layered, dealing with cut-off dates and personality and instinct and wanting to do the right thing. One layer stickily melds into another, so when you have one aspect settled you have no choice but to slither on over to the next. It’s burdensome.

But yesterday I felt pretty good, having made some headway on at least one of the layers in this decision-making process – that being, what grade Aidan should enroll in. First things first, really. Since he’s in a transitional kindergarten program, he could go either way. I hemmed and hawed (I really need to look up the origins of that phrase), I fretted, I weighed pro’s and con’s, but I couldn’t figure it out. Here’s one such discussion I had with myself:

He knows his shapes, colors, number, and letters. He can read books, for crying out loud. He’s ready for first grade.

Yes, but he still seems like such a little guy. He’d be the youngest in his class, and that will be frustrating for him.

OK, true, but because he already knows all of the “academics,” won’t he be bored with another year of kindergarten?

Well, yes, but he’d be the Big Fish in the Little Pond, and he would relish the role as the oldest, the leader, the one who could help the other kids. It would be a great confidence booster.

Yes, that’s true too … but should you coddle him that way? Wouldn’t it be a good learning experience for him, that he won’t always be the oldest or a leader, that it’s OK to learn how to operate in a different kind of situation?

OK, it certainly would be a valuable lesson, but do I really want to set him up like that, knowing he’ll be frustrated, fearing that it might catch up to him later (say, 3rd grade), always wondering if he’s struggling to keep up with the others?

No, you don’t want that, but you also don’t want him to get bored …

Circles and circles. Crazy conversations with myself. Lovely.

Thankfully, a fantastic conversation with Aidan’s teacher after school yesterday helped me make this first decision. In a nutshell, she said he is more than ready for first grade. He does things with ease that even some first graders struggle with. Academically, it’s a no-brainer.

But there’s more to the “school experience” than just academics. He’s still a little kid … he’s my little kid. Do I really want to throw him into the big pond so soon, when he’ll be in school for many, many years to come? Do I want him to grow up so fast, to face challenges at his little age?

No, I don’t.

I want him to be my little boy. I want him to play. I want him to enjoy his childhood, as a child. I want him to hold on to what he has now for as long as he possibly can.

He’s not going to first grade next year.
Phew!

Ah, but that’s only one layer of this stratified decision. Since kindergarten is now in our sights, what kind of kindergarten shall we enroll him in? Do we pick a full day class or a half day class? Back to the circular discussion with myself:

One area that Aidan “lacks” is, oddly enough, in his ability to play. At school now, he would much rather play on the computer than engage with the other kids in play (much, much, much to his mother’s chagrin!). He’s not an outsider, though -- not even close -- and when “computer time” is over he transitions with great ease into the circle of playing children. He's happy and confident in his own skin, whether solitary or in a group. But he needs to do more of that. In a full-day of kindergarten, he’ll have that structured play time which will foster this growth-area for him.

Well, that’s so true, but again, do I want to throw him into an exhausting full day of school? This is his last chance to be a kid, to be home with me and his little sister. Shouldn’t he take advantage of that last opportunity?

You’ve got a good point there. But he would be offered more at a full-day class than at home.

Yes, that is appealing, but his sister sure would miss him, and so would I.

Separation is indeed a hard thing, letting your little boy grow up. But just think of the one-on-one time he had with you for his first few years. Grace never had that, and now this is a good chance for her too.

Yes, you’re absolutely right. But the cost difference is significant!

Yes, the circles continue, swirling around and around, debating and discussing. It never ends. But I think today it did. I had a quick chat with Aidan’s teacher’s aide when I dropped him off earlier -– a young woman my age with whom I went to school – and I asked her if she ever put her three kids in a full-day class. She said no, and her reasons tugged at my own leanings. She first couldn’t afford the doubled increase in tuition for just a few more hours per day. But then she said, “Sue, your kids are going to grow up so fast. Don’t rush him. Let him be your little boy for as long as you can. I know you enjoy him at home and he loves being with you. Enjoy it while you can, because you will always miss it later on.”

So the decision has been made. Aidan will be going to half-day kindergarten next year.

At least, that’s what I say right now. :)

Next discussion on the docket: public or private school?
That’ll be a doozy.