A Party Dilemma ... And I don't mean noisemakers

On my kitchen table sits a piece of paper entitled "New Jersey Voter Registration," awaiting my attention. I have until January 15 to fill in the little lines and check the tiny boxes in order to vote in the Primary. That innocent sheet of paper on my kitchen table poses quite a dilemma for me.

I don't like politics. At all. I never did. My brother, Dave, is a professor of political science, so clearly this is a great love for him. Not me. I don't understand it, and more often than not it seems like such a show, a circus act, full of manipulations and half-truths and biting stabs and multiple sides of a particular coin. It makes me nervous.

When I turned 17 I became an eligible voter. My dad and I walked up the street to a local elementary school where I registered for the first time. I signed my name: Republican. Don't ask me why, for the only answer you would receive is something along these lines: "Because my parents are Republican." It's all I knew.

In college I was paired up with a die-hard Democrat and her strong stance and expertly defended arguments completely muddied my waters. Now what? I was beyond a state of confusion. I hated politics even more. It turned out that it's not as black and white as I once naively thought. I kind of like black and white, though. Call me crazy.

After moving every few years, from state to state to state, I had to revisit this issue time and again. Sign my name and attach it to a party. But the older I got, the more difficult this issue became. Finally I decided to make a break and ease my confused conscience -- I became an Independent.

My mind might now be a little more at ease, but there's a catch, of course. I can't vote in the Primaries. In the past this never really bothered me, I guess because the race for candidacy didn't seem like much of a struggle. But this year ... ick. It's grayer than gray. I hear a few snippets, think "Hmmm ... that guy seems OK," until I hear from my political science guru-brother that he deems that individual an "absolute fake." Muddy those waters some more! Hilary used to scare me (although I'm not sure why) and yet now ... I don't know. I don't care for any of them, really, but that doesn't surprise me. The mud is oozing ...

So now a little sheet of paper sits in front of me on my kitchen table. Don's advice was, "Just pick a party so you can vote in the Primaries. You can always switch later." OK, fine -- but sign up as what? And then switch to what? Or did I just stick to my mind-easing Independent choice and later kick myself for missing the Primaries? Any thoughts?

I wish mud was like chocolate. I'd feel so much better.