No matter how much we try to "pretend" Grace is completely free of any clubfoot worries, it still picks and nags and bubbles up on an almost daily basis. I find myself constantly looking at her foot, often completely unaware that I'm doing so, until I see it suddenly turn in a funny way, a soft flip fluttering in my chest. I just posted the story of her recent stand-up act, and when I added the picture my eyes immediately dropped to her right foot, in the forefront of the picture. I didn't look at her silly smile, at her crazy attempt at humor holding on to the chair -- I only saw that foot, and I didn't like what I saw. She's standing on the side a bit, too much for my comfort or liking. Clubfoot is always there.
This afternoon we took advantage of the 40+ degree weather and went for a walk. We only went about 3 blocks or so -- nothing too strenuous for Jack, who is still recovering from his back injury. About halfway through Grace starting whimpering, "I'm tired. I'm so tired. Mommy held" (Her words for "carry me"). I didn't think anything of it, and she continued walking.
We had only one more side-street to go, half a block until we made it home. Suddenly the whimpering started again, and that fluttering took up residence in my chest. "My foot hurts, Mommy." I breathed sharply. What foot? I asked her. "My right one," she said as she pointed to her clubfoot. Ooooohhh ...
Is it just tiredness? Is it the fact that she was wearing a different pair of sneakers? She usually wears the same pair every day, the UCBL fitting nicely inside. She's used to them. But this afternoon she begged me to wear an old pair of beat-up Dora sneakers that light up when she walks. No problem, I said, as I transferred the UCBL to the other pair. Could that be it? Did I not put the insert in all the way? Was it not laying flat or comfortably for her? Please, could that just be it and nothing more?
I don't know what it is. I hope it's nothing. But it's always going to be there ... and it's completely out of my control.
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2 comments:
Oh Sue. This one tugs at my heart strings. I could have written it. I too tend to watch his foot, to second guess, to wonder what each sore, bump and red mark really mean.
I hope that she is just tired today and that all will be back to normal tomorrow.
Btw, we are off to the orthotist tomorrow because Matthew is complaining of a red mark from his AFO. It never truly ends.
my little one is just starting to stand and walk a little bit. I hope everyday that the stretches and massaging I do on his feet will save him from relapse as he gets older. Hope her foot feels better, I find hugs and kisses help a lot!
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